jbutters1993

Playing Watching Cricket, Hanging Out With Friends and Girlfriend I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I"m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?", Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk., The only reason your living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot and that we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime., Hot Girl: Want to see my *****? Boy: HELL YES! Hot Girl: Ok, we have to go to my bedroom. Boy: OK! Hot Girl: Her she is *Holds up cat* Boy: Oh..., My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 in the morning. Can you believe that? 2:30am! Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums!, if a girl is stupid enough to say 'i love you' after you broke her heart, i guarantee you, she is the one. <3, "Oi" - "Yeah?" - "I love you <3"., i just lost my job as a lifeguard at my local swimming pool. apparently tapping the no bombing sign when a family of muslims walk past. isnt acceptable, Broccoli: I m not happy with my looks...I look like a tree. Walnut: and I look like a brain! :/ Mushroom: that"s not too bad... I look like an umbrella..Banana: can we please change the topic!! =DX_X, That awkward moment when you sleep at your friends house and wake up before them, and all u can do is stare round their room for an hour or 2 until they wakeup ....., Wanna hear a joke? Girl: Wanna hear a joke? Guy: Sure Girl: *****. Guy: I don`t get it. Girl: And you never will., "Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.", God made coke. God made pepsi. God made me. Oh so sexy. God made rivers. God made lakes. God made you. Well.. we all make mistakes., There is a "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, and an "if" in life. And after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W.T.F., Boy: Is it in? Girl: *Groans* Yes. Boy: Does it hurt? Girl: HELL YEAH! Boy: OK We'd better get a bigger pair of shoes! Like if you thought the first 4 lines were dirty!, I want to see my own funeral. I want to see who will be crying, and who will be there. But more than anything, I just want to see who cares., Dear facebook, FIRST You take away our Profile boxes, SECOND you make the writing smaller and make us go to specsavers, THIRD you change the homepage, FOURTH, you then force us to change our profile and take our boxxy thing away, FIFTH, you change the cha, Girlcrying)Boy:What happened?Girl:The guy I like has a girlfriend..Boy:Well,he`s an idiot for picking her instead of you..His girlfriend must be a s|ut.Girl:I can`t believe you called your girlfriend a s|ut. Boy:..., (rihanna & taxi man) taxi man: so hows your day been? rihanna: shut up and drive! taxi man: excuse me!! rihanna: *mumbles* rude boy.... taxi man: thats it, who do you think you are!? rihanna: the only girl in the world!, I have a best friend of the opposite sex, and they mean the whole world to me. We're not dating and yes, we do laugh together, that isn't flirting, it's called a joke. I can tell them secrets and they will keep them. I can trust them with my life and they, Blanket on, too hot. Blanket off, too cold. One leg out, perfect, until the awkward moment when the demon from Paranormal Activity grabs it., "Boob" is the perfect word. The B looks like an aerial view of them, the 2 o's look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view...., In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30...., DID YOU KNOW: -Kissing is healthy. -Bananas are good for cramps. -Chicken soup actually makes you feel better. -Its true. Guys DO insult you if they like you. -Having someone rub your tummy when it hurts actually helps it. -89% of guys would want gi, facebook:.. -Log on -Check notifications -Poke everyone back -Go on homepage -Do the "happy birthday" ritual -Go back to homepage -Change from "Top news" to "Most recent" -Have a little scroll down -Like a couple of pages -You're bored already.., Baseball, -Do you speak English? -Yes -Name? -Adolf Bumin. -Sex? -3 to 5 times a week. -No, I mean..male/female? -Yes, male,female and sometimes camels. -Holy cow! -Yes, cows, sheep...Animals in general. -Oh dear, -No, deer runs too fast., Today,I was over my boyfriend's house. His 7 year old little sister,walked over. She smiled and looked up at him and whispered, "Wow you were right! she is beautiful..", i dont drink, smoke, swear or have sex, i am a virgin who loves god., Mother's day: English kid: Here mum, I made you a card and breakfast! German kid: Heir mum, I made you some Bratwursts! Chinese kid: Here mum, I made you an Ipod!, LIKE this if YOU have a friend who you can call a sister or a brother , What If Condoms Had Sponsors? Nike Condoms: Just do it. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling. Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock. California Lotto Condoms: Who's n, BEYONCE: Hey Justin, will you sing my song? JUSTIN BIEBER: hey,yeh sure what one? BEYONCE: Great, 'if i was a boy'? JUSTIN BIEBER: ...., When the cops come everyone turns into an olympic athlete., Depression Is Not a Sign of Weakness It Is a Sign That You Have Been Trying to Be Strong for Too Long, Crickets Other Sports, Association football, Like this, if you actually want to be in a relationship, not just for sex, girl : how will you feel, if i hug my male friend ?? boy : i wil be very very happy !! girl : shockingly !! :O why ?? boy : because that will make you sure, that what you feel in my arms you cant feel it anywhere else !!, You're really ****ing cute i just want to kiss you, Sorry Hun, but, unlike you, Im not the doorknob, where everyone gets a turn. Im more of a casino, where only the lucky ones, hit the Jackpot, Tell a girl She's Beautiful A Million Times AND SHE'LL NEVER BELIEVE YOU. Call her ugly even once, and she'll NEVER FORGET . In a real relationship your partner is also your best friend, Mentally preparing yourself to step out of the shower in winter, I Don't Read New Moon, Dude, Where's My Car?, How about you and i go out on a date...have some chicken... maybe some sex..., Scary Movie 5 (movie), Holding back the tears when you thought they were gunna kill BumbleBee, Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes! Love, Alfalfa., "Did you touch my drumset!" "No!" "Why are you so sweaty?" " I was watching cops.", Meet the Parents, Fun with **** and Jane, Euro Trip, Transformers, Dude, Where's My Car?, Squirt, twilight - crepusculo Miley Cyrus, Eminem, The milk cartons that say PUSH FLAPS BACK TO OPEN , Justin "Beaver", Hakuna Matata, Basshunter, Stereos, I Love Music!, Fat Chicks, Fall Out Boy, Metro Station, RIP Michael Jackson, we love you., Free Drinks there is more to life then school