joker265

Americans
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American."

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.

"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

The Nude Beach
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
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Filthy One Liners
On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
2 ft. of my **** in your ***.

What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger

what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

heello, iss tthhatt thhee sshhoop iii boouugghht thhee vviibbrrattorr ffrroomm. yes. ccaann yyoouu tteell mmee hhooww ttoo ttuurrnn tthhee ffuucckkiinngg tthhiinngg ooffff.

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

Why are men like cars?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming

Funny Email Typo
Below is a genuine email send out to staff at an unnamed company.

------

To: All Staff
Subject: Copier

Please, please please please please - I am begging - keep any and all paper clips away from the copier!

We have had two service calls in the last few days removing paper clips, staples and a binder clip from the innards of the copier.

PLEASE be really really really really careful around the copier. Especially the document handler, which seems to suck clits like a vacuum cleaner.


Thanks for your help.

Jack and Jill Rhyme
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

Jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked Jill if she wanna.

Jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun.

But stupid Jill forgot the pill,
and now they have a son

The Mens Room
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to **** on our hands.