XGC Kramer
New member
People often get offended after break-ups when their now, "ex", finds another bf/gf in the same week. I've wondered at times, "what's the big deal, I mean you broke up so doesn't that mean you didn't want to be together with them anyway"? I used to believe that "grace period" after a break up, before anybody gets another bf/gf had to do with how long it took for them to get over one another, and how quickly the other got another partner mostly had to do with the strength of their attachment. I still hold onto that belief, it takes me a while to really let go and feel as though my heart is open enough to find another lover, or be receptive enough to find one. I have another reason behind why this is important though: to help pick each other up and help one another learn what they want to from the relationship.
When a relationship I'm in fails, I always search for the reasons why, I wonder about the thoughts and feelings of the other person concerning our relationship, and what they think/thought about me; how it changed over time. I don't pose the question for the sake of rekindling the love, I don't ask to find out if I want to hang onto the relationship or not, I ask to try and gain an idea of who I was when I was with them throughout the relationship. Our moods, levels of stress, and state of mind affect us in everything we do, and unfortunately we don't have a playback button where we can see how we act with specific people. The most unbiased source of how we act, is the people we're interacting with.
The period after a break up, is a time when both people can resolve what they feel they need to, in order to move on. For me, I want to know the story for my partner, their changing/shifting feelings and thoughts with our relationship and towards me; others may want to know if it was something they'd done; more people may just want to know if there are still any feelings for them after a break up. It's a tender time, at least for me, when I expect honestly and sympathy more than any other time. The bridge we'd been building between our hearts has been blown away, and a chunk of my heart is torn away with it. My wound is fresh, and any extra pressure or pain is amplified. Knowing that I'm somebody that could be replaced in a day or two, without any remorse…just makes it all worse, because I was living in a one sided relationship, for how long I'm not sure.
Now for a bit of a tangent…
Pain doesn't tell us we're weak, it tells us we've got softness, and we're tender. If we force that pain away, if we become "strong", we'll numb ourselves to the finer touches in our lives. As your skin becomes callus, it loses it's sensitivity to temperature and pressure, it "dies" in a way. Instead, by using that pain to find what's important, we can learn more about ourselves and more about what it takes to take care of our tender "skin", to keep it flexible, healthy, and beautiful. Finding a balance between that "tenderness" and "toughness" is a different quest for everybody, we all have our own inner strength and durability; we all have our own comfort zones.
I have a theory though. The more powerful our feelings of sadness and pain, the more we can treasure and enjoy those happy points in our life. The more "tender" we are, the more "flexible" our range of emotions. The more we block off one emotion, the more we're "toughening" our feelings, the more we turn off our receptiveness to all of our emotions.
When a relationship I'm in fails, I always search for the reasons why, I wonder about the thoughts and feelings of the other person concerning our relationship, and what they think/thought about me; how it changed over time. I don't pose the question for the sake of rekindling the love, I don't ask to find out if I want to hang onto the relationship or not, I ask to try and gain an idea of who I was when I was with them throughout the relationship. Our moods, levels of stress, and state of mind affect us in everything we do, and unfortunately we don't have a playback button where we can see how we act with specific people. The most unbiased source of how we act, is the people we're interacting with.
The period after a break up, is a time when both people can resolve what they feel they need to, in order to move on. For me, I want to know the story for my partner, their changing/shifting feelings and thoughts with our relationship and towards me; others may want to know if it was something they'd done; more people may just want to know if there are still any feelings for them after a break up. It's a tender time, at least for me, when I expect honestly and sympathy more than any other time. The bridge we'd been building between our hearts has been blown away, and a chunk of my heart is torn away with it. My wound is fresh, and any extra pressure or pain is amplified. Knowing that I'm somebody that could be replaced in a day or two, without any remorse…just makes it all worse, because I was living in a one sided relationship, for how long I'm not sure.
Now for a bit of a tangent…
Pain doesn't tell us we're weak, it tells us we've got softness, and we're tender. If we force that pain away, if we become "strong", we'll numb ourselves to the finer touches in our lives. As your skin becomes callus, it loses it's sensitivity to temperature and pressure, it "dies" in a way. Instead, by using that pain to find what's important, we can learn more about ourselves and more about what it takes to take care of our tender "skin", to keep it flexible, healthy, and beautiful. Finding a balance between that "tenderness" and "toughness" is a different quest for everybody, we all have our own inner strength and durability; we all have our own comfort zones.
I have a theory though. The more powerful our feelings of sadness and pain, the more we can treasure and enjoy those happy points in our life. The more "tender" we are, the more "flexible" our range of emotions. The more we block off one emotion, the more we're "toughening" our feelings, the more we turn off our receptiveness to all of our emotions.
